Trust Issues

Its been a while since the last time I posted something on this blog site. I've been very busy this past years and the recent turn of events inspired me to post something.

Ok, I'm going to ask a simple question about Trust.

If your closest friends betrayed you, as in BETRAYED you, will you forgive them? Moreover trust them again?

I'll give you a situation, you have girlfriend and currently you're having an issue because someone has been texting her ~ courting her. One day you had a talk and you believed that everything is clear. When you left, the guy texted her if they can meet. She agreed wondering if the guy was real, she even asked her "friends" (your friend as well) if she should meet her on a date.

In short, your girlfriend went out on a date while you were surfing the net doing your thesis. The greatest sucker was your supposed "friends" were with her ~ going nuts and kilig when the guy gave your girlfriend a flower and treated them at semi-high end restaurant. Another sucker is that they declared to the world that they "like" the guys. FUCKERS. They even did a private chat on Facebook regarding the guy.

Ok, if you're the boyfriend, what will you do?

In my own opinion, the friends DONT RESPECT the girl's boyfriend. I mean, if they were really friends, somehow they corrected the girl's impulsive decision (maturity issues comes in.) You see, if you're a real friend you're supposed to offer CORRECTION and do not TOLERATE any wrong decisions or actions. Respect is different from BEING AFRAID TO BE CAUGHT UP IN A FIREFIGHT OR ISSUE because the end result will always be the same. You'll get blamed because you didn't do what you're expected to do.

And please, avoid imbecile posts in Facebook. Its a no brainer when you know you're friends with the boyfriend you cheered for the other guy.

MOTHERFUCKER

Rizal fanboys and girls promotes gaylinggo?

Sir Francis said, way back in the times of the Katipunan; Rizal's name was a taboo. Nobody was allowed to say his name or to talk about him or his kin... and the people in his time adored and loved him so much. Even in the strict prohibition, they found a way to mention him without being put to jail.


And that explains why we use the word "chorva" until now.

Sawa nang maging Pinoy...

Yeah, I know that I might end up with public beating but you know... Mr. Bob Ong is right about us Pilipino. I don't know how to start this and I don't know if anyone would waste time reading my rants about how .... we Pilipinos are. Yes. me too. Damay damay na nga siguro kasi pati ako nasama. I don't know much about the world and I know that my experience and my knowledge is very limited. I'm still young and still developing to become a better person someday so just let me do this just for once. Minsan lang naman ako mamintas. Hindi ba?

Yes. Medyo sawa na akong maging pinoy. Other than crab mentality (na ngayon ay may naiinggit sa akin kaya tinitira ako patalikod--bata lang kasi kaya hindi ko patulan. Hello K.A.M. 2nd Year English.) pagkareklamador na walang alam (gano'n ba ako?), irrational thinking, fondness of defense mechanism (psychologically speaking) and super katigasan ng ulo that always lead to something terrible or most of the time insane situation.


So there. What's wrong with us? About the Crab Mentality, sakit na raw natin 'yan? Tama ba 'yon? If we see someone in progress, hinahatak natin pababa. Behaviorally, mga pinoy daw loves equality. We love it so much na ayaw na nating may nakikitang nakaka-angat. Gusto natin pantay-pantay and by that Pilipinos mean that literally. So what happens. Until today, wala pa ring progress. Pag may nakaka-angat, gusto natin gano'n din tayo. E since not everyone is not so lucky or not that hardworking to gain something, hindi lahat nakaka-angat. Kaya 'yong mga walang magawa kungdi panuorin ang pag-angat ng iba ay may bago ng past time: Pull those people back. Para pantay na uli. Tirahan pa nga patalikod ang kalakaran diyan.

Rant part about school:

Just like this past year. Tinitira at sinisiraan ako ni K.A.M. telling ill things behind my back and for me, I just took it as a compliment. "Uy, may naiinggit sa akin! Yish!" The problem is I've tolerated him and he grew fond of doing that. It even caused a havoc through the class now. I've spoiled him rather than telling him what the fuck is wrong with him. Now, most of CAS 2nd year student hates him and I just discovered that they've hated him ever since they heard him saying ill things behind my back. Now that Mr. K.A.M noticed that, he said that "Isa lang ang naninira sa akin/atin."

That made me laugh. Who started anyways? I've never said or done anything offending to him. Ngayon baliktaran na pala? Mahirap talaga kapag spoiled ka na, mahilig ka pang magmarunong, naiinggit ka pa, ang sama pa ng ugali mo at isip bata pa na walang alam gawin ay mamasa ng sise sa iba. That person is still a boy and I think, all of us who know him thinks that he's not really worthy of the title man.

End of Rant part for school.

Ok, let's continue anyways. Mahilig tayong magreklamo. Wala naman tayong alam and 70% of those "activist" joining street march on a rally barely understand what's the rally for. I know. Only those people in front know what's happening and the 70% people behind got no idea of what they are yelling for and got beaten for. Nabubugbog sila ng mga batuta ng pulis sa rally pero hindi nila sigurado kung bakit sila sumali.

And another thing, nagiging defense mechanism na natin 'yong pagrereklamo. We yell in the streets ""Bulok ang gobyerno natin!" "Unano presidente natin!" "Puro magnanakaw pulitiko natin!" but have we forgotten that these government is the reflection of our own selves? Kung bulok man 'to, kagagawan natin 'to. Kung unano man presidente natin ngayon because we let her win our votes! Don't tell me nagkadayaan. These people responsible for dayaan are those people we helped to attain their current position. Puro magnanakaw pulitiko natin e hindi ba tayo rin naman ang bumoto sa kanila?

I know I'm committing the very same mistake I'm ranting about but I just want those people that reads this blog that we really got a problem. And that problem is us. Me. You. He. She. Them. They.

We criticize because unconsciously, people tend to use criticism as a scapegoat. Namimintas tayo kasi hindi natin mapintasan ang sarili natin. Kapag sinabi natin na babaero ang ibang lalake at lalake tayo, what we really mean is "babaero ako. Naiinis ako sa kaniya so siya na 'yong babaero. Hindi ako." (Hindi ba Mr. K.A.M.)


Another one is napaka-irrational nating mga pinoy. We don't think systematically that's why progress will just be a dream for us unless we start thinking logically and critically about our issues and problems. The problem is, kapag may inintroduce na bagong idea sa atin at bagong systema para mapabilis ang lahat, do'n pa rin tayo sa nakasanayan, dun sa bulok, dun sa basura at dun sa walang kakwenta-kwenta 80% of the time. And we hate this people who introduced as new refreshing way to deal with our issues and problems. Like BF. People hated him so much especially those sidewalk vendors. (Can't blame them at all, marahas din naman kasi 'yong demolition team ng MMDA)


So finally, ang katigasan ng ulo nating mga pinoy. We don't care much about the rules. Wag ka nang umangal coz if we do, probably we're now a progressive country like Singapore and other neighboring nation especially Japan. Look. May overpass na. May footbridge pa but we still want to cross the street where it is dangerous. Kasi madali daw. Katamaran lang ba talaga o bobo nga tayong pinoy sabi ng aking anitong si Bob. (na dinadasalan ko ang mga gawa niya na nakalagay pa sa altar.)

Actually, we don't care about the rule because a lot of us don't care too.
See this. A lot of students will cross the street the dangerous way if they saw people doing it too. Gagayahin natin kasi iniisip natin "ok lang, ginawa na nga niya e." But try this. Observe a person na walang makakasabay na mag jaywalking. Kita mo aakyat 'yan ng footbridge kasi nag-iisa siya. Point? Well, psychologically speaking, people tend to lose their identity to a crowd. Kapag maraming gumagawa nun, sige lang. Go lang. Marami naman kami e. mahuli man sama-sama kaming kakanta ng Lupang Hinirang (kung estudyante) O kaya magbabayad (kung hindi but I prefer singing the national anthem) Cognitively and behaviorally tested na 'yan. If we lose our identity we tend to do the things we won't be doing if our face is in public view.

"Hindi tayo kilala kaya gora lang ako mga bading."

'Yan, I recreated the test regarding aggression, I had four boys in a meeting room where one of them wears a mask and one of them wears a mascot costume so the slightest hint of his identity is hidden and the other two is in normal wear with their face expose. The guy in a mascot costume is a closet ghey and one of the normal clad guys is ghey too. The one in the mascot outfit acted more aggressively and expressed himself in gay linggo. That's enough proof for me that if we lose our identity, we do crazy things that are normally not expected to us.

Mag pinoy ganiyan. Beating the red light ang madalas mangyari hindi ba tsaka jaywalking. If we saw one of the vehicles beat the red light and there's no other vehicle passing by the other lane, we follow the beater. Culturally dependent na nga tayo ang hilig pa nating mang-gaya.

So there. if you want me out of the country, no problem. I'm planning to go abroad anyways. Though there's no place like home I'd rather say there's no place like Philippines. Everything is inverted. Try to read Miliminas by Milo Par Pamonag. That's one good story that reflects our society.

Ja ne~




P.S.

I started with myself. So if I came back from abroad, iba na talaga ako. May slang na pero gwapo pa rin~

I don't hate K.A.M. He hates me so he's an asshole. XD

Jologslandia

After several months of looking for something to make fun of I finally made up my mind regarding what to hit.

If you're living around Cainta area and you're quite near to ___. ____ east grand mall almost your whole life, I'm sure you've noticed the drastic change of that mall. I don't want to be so melodramatic on how it looked like some 10 years ago but I am very sure that the mall was invaded by Jologs. Before, seven to ten years ago, the mall was the pride of the east. I mean, if you're hanging out in that mall with nothing much to do then you're definitely in the norm.

Well before, people hanging around ___. ______ east grand mall were good looking people and well dressed people. Not to mention, normal looking people. Ok, what's the point? Try to roam around that mall in random days (preferably Saturdays or Sundays) you'll see a whole lot of jologs and those jologs looked like as if they were a member of some kind of gang or whatever.

You'll see three kinds of group there. (the jologs groups.)

1st are those emo type people clad in a tight all black outfit with bangs swept to the side of their face and freakish thick eye.... what do you call that make up for the eye? Eye liner? Yeah. That one.

2nd group of people are the Yo wasup, bitch? people. If I lost you, they were those youngsters in a "pilit" na "pilit" hip hop outfit; wearing thick jackets and whatever that falls under the category of hip hop that is terribly hot. Plain stupid aren't they? We're in the tropics yet they're such an asshole and wear those freakishly HOT outfit. By hot I mean that literally.

3rd group of people are the bitches in uniform. You know. High school girls with their quite small-semi fitted uniform blouse with quite longer skirts. And yeah, don't forget about their artistic bra design that you could see instantly the moment your eyes wanders lower. Yeah! The make up thing and their "kundoktor ng jeep" boyfriends.


I don't know how to end this entry so let me just share something in my mind tonight.





"Mahilig nga siya sa exotic!"

They WERE Roland and Mazhiel and We ARE Dylan and Azel

Angels do Exist.

"Hello." He greeted, standing next to me. I thought it was just another day but I bump with someone that has been the very reason for me to reanalyze things especially when falling in love.

"Whadup?" He jokingly asked then sat on the grass covered ground. He's always like this but I can't shake the feeling that this guy is not the same Roland I used to play with when we were little.

"Nothing. Call center sucks." I said, throwing a fretful glance at him. "You?"

"Been better." He replied. The usual sadness in his voice was gone and that familiar melancholic tone of his voice was replaced by utter cheerfulness. Cheerfulness that I have never seen in him.

"What's wrong? You're looking at me as if I'm an alien? Do I have a booger on my face?" He laughed and tugged me to sat with him. I can't help but laugh too so I did and sat down with him.

"You've changed." I said halfheartedly, throwing a stone far down the river banks. I don't know what happened to him but he changed. Changed that it was not the same aura he emanates whenever I'm around him.

"Me? Changed? Half yes and half no."

"Half no because you're still visiting this place."

He snorted and ran his fingers to his hair. His mannerism whenever someone hit the bull's eye. Of course I won't miss, the very reason why he visits this place is her and that's the ultimate truth. Its her. Not the ambiance. Its her not the scene. Its her not because we could see the building where we work in libis. Its her. Nothing more.

"And you're still the same Dylan. Major pain in the butt." He said, flipping the page of his familiar notebook and scribbling something on it. "By the way, aren't you going abroad this july?"

"Maybe. I don't know. If the work requires me, then so be it." Actually yes. I want to go abroad so I can escape the pain that I have been enduring for these past three years. I want to go somewhere far, far enough just to make me forget about Azel.

"Still hurt, I see." He chuckled. Then snapped his notebook to my face. "You're reminding me of my old self." He paused, shot his stare to the Gazebo on the other side of the river and continued, "the Roland that was consumed by pain, hate, anger and everything that isn't nice. In short bitter."

"Sino bang hindi magiging ganon? After the roadtrip, the blame is on you? I don't know, Kuya but I think both of us shares that ill-fated fairytale love story." I'm starting to feel the familiar searing pain within me. I wanted to cry but just can't. It seems like my tears have dried. I can't feel anything. Nothing. Nothing but pain. I don't know how to escape this malefice, the more I try, the more I can't move on. Para kang nasa kumunoy. Sabi nga ni Kuya, pwersahin mong umahon lalo kang lulubog. He's right. I'm sinking and I think the only person that can save me is Azel.

What happened. I asked myself. Then eyed him intently. I can't get it. Is this really him? As far as I can remember, he talks like the way I talk. Especially about this fucking thing we call love. Love that most of the time cause more agony than fulfillment.

He just chuckled and showed me his old, black 6600, showing Azel's number in his contact list. "Its her number right?"

"Where did you get that?"

"From the Guy up there?" He shot back, pointing to the sky. "Punchline is, I can help other people with their problem and gave them their dream solution but when it comes to my problem, I'm always out. Unfair but its okay." He then stood up and lifted his gaze up to the clear blue sky. "I've always wanted to talk to her but I think there wont be a chance anymore." The joy in voice faded only to be replaced by a sounding remorse. Whatever it was that made me listen was inexplicable.

"Gusto ko lang naman magsorry, and hope to God that we'll be able to pick up the things that we left. Specifically our friendship." His eyes went back to me. "Hindi naman talaga kami nagkaroon ng sarili naming oras, always on a haste just for her to make it home earlier."

"So you're blaming her?"

"Not really. I can't blame her of course. Both us have our own shares of faults in our relationship. The only thing that I want is for her to listen. She could hear my plea but I think she's not listening. Hearing is very different from listening."

"Fuck it ok, what's the point?"

"Nothing. I just want to release something." Then he chuckled. It was annoying of him but whatever it is that changed him must have been bigger than the pain she inflicted to him. Big enough to make this dumb ass happy again or seemingly happy, whatever.

"Ask me a question, I'll answer it." He said gesturing like dimwit T.V. host in front of me. "No, tell me your prayer, your ultimate concern and maybe I can make it happen."

"Don't mess with me, 'aight?"

"C'mon, there's no harm on trying."

"Fuck it, the last time I tried brought me here, with this freaking pain!"

"If you don't want to, okay." He said to me, his voice then was serious. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Nah, its alright." He said, sitting down back next to me. "Always been dreaming of becoming an angel." He said, staring at the sky. "So I can forgive myself."

Silence.

He said nothing, so did I. Only the chirping of the bird and the leaves swaying with the wind were the only thing we heard. I don't know what happened but I told him what I'm praying for.

"I want her back, the way you wanted Mazhiel back a year ago."

He said nothing but a calm smile traced his lips.

"I'm having doubts already to God, I'm challenging Him these past years. I'm challenging Him if He is true, make her come back to me, and if she did comes back, I'll devout my whole life to God."

He looked at me with the usual "kuya look" in his eyes, as if assuring me that what I prayed for will be mine. Soon. As in later or tomorrow.

"You're lucky." He said, giving me his old notebook. "Read that."

I read his work and noted that this piece should be read by Azel.

http://furiuosdevilhunter.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2008/03/something_from_.html

"I wrote that when you know." He said, taking the notebook from me.

I heaved a tired sigh, memories of her came in a barrage. I don't really like it when her face came flashing before my very eyes.

"Are you really serious about challenging God?" He asked, like an arrow shot and landed directly to its mark, his question hit me.

"Yes, just make her come back to me."

"Well, good." He said, turning behind us. "That's good because she's here." He continued, standing up. I on the other hand didn't belied my eyes as a very familiar figure stood several paces away from us. It was Azel, with the usual timid look in her face.

"I'm outa here. God bless you two." Were Roland's last words before he left us.

From that moment on, I surrendered my whole life to God. Now I believe that angels do exist and everything is possible to God.

English

Now I know why other asian choose to learn english here in the philippines. Because Pilipino people are one of the best people in asia that could use english fluently and eloquently. Besides, if you haven't noticed that some signs in english (in asian countries nearby) really sucks and will drive you nuts.

For example, a warning in a train station in tokyo says something like..uhh? Just check it out, here's the link.

(Tinanggal ko kasi baka mademanda ako. Try niyo na lang maghanap sa engrish.)

Hindi na ako mag-e-english, baka mapintasan pa dahil namimintas pa ako. Next time na magtaka ka bakit sobrang daming singkit dito sa Pilipinas e alam mo na ang sagot. Nag-aaral silang mag-english. Tas babayaran lang tayo ng kakarampot. C'mon. Lalo na 'yong mga school institution na ginagawang libangan (profit source) ang mga "training-for-our-people-and-service-for-our-fellow-asians-who-suck-in-english" na 'yan e mag-isip isip.

6 8 12 Syndrome

I was really happy that night. It was cold, a sign that the holidays is coming. It was the very first time in times like this I felt very happy. I don't know, I'm just happy. Seems like everything was perfect for me that night. The wind, brushing against my auburn hair was alive yet cold. The moon was there, silently hovering above me. The flickering of merry Christmas lights went on as I let a veiled smile in my lips. I was about to sing for an occasion. But I didn't know what the hell I would sing in front of the whole family of my friend. Then, when I arrived, they gave me a copy of the song's lyrics...


Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I cant believe I'm acting like this
I know its crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Its hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Sing it for me...



I sang the song well. Of course I'm a fan of Bryan Mcknight and besides, I'm familiar with almost of his songs.But I think its not my familiarity that brought the song well. Maybe because, once in my life, something happened to me that's very similar to the song's message. And I miss her so much and I don't know what to say.

Tekken Addict

I've always been an avid fan and a hardcore player of the Tekken Series especially the latest installment: Tekken 5/ Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection (let's include TEKKEN TAG). And I'd never really thought about the tekken syndrome getting into me so deeply that it affects my thinking and everyday work. Take for an instance when I coached our Org's Basketball team.

Player: Coach, ano plan? (he said while he was slowly passing by me.)

Me: Godfist mo, tapos i-juggle mo.

Player: Huh?

Me:Pag na-juggle mo 'wag mo na bitawan.

Player: Ano 'yon coach?

Me: Tapos pasa mo sa kakampi mo. Mag tag ka!

End result, we lost the game.

A Jeep Ride To School

I'd never thought that riding my usual "patok" jeep would turn out to be one hell of a mess. What happened? Well, here's the story.

I was looking for a nice jeep to ride, (well, I'm actually looking for the "patok" jeep that has the kind of music that will fill me in the whole duration of the travel.) less than 10 minutes I found one and took it.

Its nice, very comfortable and not to mention the jeep's music was so cool that it made me sing along with every song that the DJ played. Err I mean, "kundoktor."

I was seated near the "estribo" so I could see everyone who's climbing up. I thought there's nothing special about that position but when this beautiful girl came aboard, I realized how lucky I am sitting here (Only to find out that this position is also cursed). Why? Well, because we were riding a "patok" you could expect that the driver would start hitting the gas as soon as he saw your body inside the jeep. The driver hit the gas, the girl almost fell and I'm the only hope so I catch her. I thought I was hearing the song with the line:

"catch me I'm falling for you..."

when our eyes met. She's very beautiful and she's...

"Thanks," she said. Her voice...she's...

What the fuck! She's a gay! I mean he's a gay!

Dumfuck! I almost puked the moment I realized that. So being as gentle as I could I restrained myself from punching her...him. Darn it.

Then I drowned myself to the intoxicating music of that Jeep, I was really pissed so I need an entertainment. A solid one to make me forget what happened.

Another girl came aboard, I ignored her coz I thought she might be another decepticons but when I noticed she's wearing a kind of loose tank top with a very cute neckline, I rejoiced for once again this seat was blessed. Yes! I'm lucky to be seated her!

So much for my perversion another set of girls came aboard, beautiful girls that seemed to be angels, angels with a single devil with them. Darn it! Another gay for the day!

But before all them are inside, this guy sitting beside me noticed that the girls are too beautiful to be just seated next to a "goon" (the man right in front of me that looked like Lizardo from the old Panday movies) so he decided to transfer beside the "goon." (so that he could be seated right next to one of those beautiful girls.

The first thought that came to my mind was:

"Here's another pervert, a more perverted man than me."

But to my surprise, the girls noticed what he is planning so all of them sat beside me and the only gay of the group sat beside the guy who transferred.

"Good." I mumbled grinning.

20 minutes later, Linkin Park's songs were being played and I was so really enjoying the music that I sang along loudly. The speaker was too loud for everyone of us so my co-passengers won't notice that I'm singing my heart out that time. To my dismay the sound went dead all of sudden in the middle of the line:

"You like to think you're never wrong!!!" (You lived what you've learned)


I was singing that time when the music died so I was left singing like a drunken retard there. All of the passengers looked at me, including the gay that I caught. He's smiling darn it!

The next thing I said was:

"Ma tabi lang."

After alighting, I ran as fast as I could coz that was the most humiliating day of my life next to the lactacyd episode! Well, I just said to myself that day:

"Badtrip napahiya ako doon sobra!"

Tired of Waiting for Answers.

I’m so tired. Tired of looking for that girl that will love me for what I am. I guess my decision is right. Priesthood. I’ve seen the face of God through her and its already enough for me. I’m thankful that I loved someone with all of my heart, that’s a once in a lifetime chance that I took. Though the relationship ended in a blink of an eye, I just want to thank her for giving me the honor to be with her and I really wanted to apologize for everything. She took me to the light, let me see the face of God through her and made me feel that once in a lifetime happiness. Now the time has come to serve God.

I’m not a coward. It’s just that I’m tired of thinking about myself. Time to go back where I truly belong: The Order of the Holy Cross.

-o-

3 years and counting...

You have 3 more years to convince me not to go the order.

And I have 3 more years to have someone who will sway my mind.

I’m hoping for something I don’t know.

Random Thoughts From an Insane Person

“Happiness is being married to your best friend.”

What the hell? She’s my best friend and what happened? She left me. Ok you know who in heaven I’m talking about and if you do not, don’t ask.

I was buying something for Nouie that time when I saw that for the second time, the first was when I was looking for something to give to her (my best friend and girl friend). That was last year, Aug. 7, Monday.

The moment I rest my eyes upon those words engraved in that special stone, I smiled and told myself it’s true. I think I fantasized about our wedding day that time that I bumped into something expensive and broke it. And paid for it.

But again, when I saw it last Tuesday, I don’t know what happened because deep inside I was cursing the one who’s responsible for doing that stupid stuff and writing something really stupid about best friends. I grew bitter each day and I admit it that until now I’m hurt.

Maybe I could pretend that I’m a happy jolly bastard but I’m really not. If got hurt and wounded your knee and tried to heal it, it would. But it would leave you a scar and then you want to erase the memory of that wound by removing the scar. Even if you removed the scar and your skin is like that of a baby, you can never really deny the fact that you received a wound. You may have removed the evidence of it but you cannot escape the fact that once you’re hurt.

And I’m starting again about the past that I should not— never mind.

Back to my story, I bought the pig and then while making my way out something came to my mind.

What the hell love really is?

This is the very first time that I asked myself what is love. Well, I guess I still believe in my father that I don’t need to define love; I just need someone to define it for me.

Then I analyzed.

Love… right now I could say that I am feeling love. For whom? I don’t know. I just realized that whenever I felt like this, I always loose sleep, my mind wondering back from a certain past and of course dreaming of the idea of having her again in my arms or maybe not her but another girl? Who knows?

Then it came to me, I just realized that I was looking for love coz I could feel love I don’t have it. Its natural, if we don’t have it, we tend to look for it and then when the time comes that we found it, we don’t know what to do about. Whether to grab the chance or to let it go, coz you believe that “we’re better of friends” or maybe you’re just afraid to lose a special someone or possibly you’re just fooling your self that it is not the right time for now and there will be another one. Oh I almost forgot, or maybe you’re so consumed for a certain person that you cannot have but still hoping and waiting for that person even he/she is on a relationship while there’s someone waiting for you to look at her/him. And then when you will realize that it’s too late.

When I saw this beautiful girl I thought to myself she’s almost perfect for me, then I heard her talking about their subject and she’s tutoring her classmate about their lessons. Beautiful, smart and of course she’s nice.

I believed in my philosophy about finding someone to love is very easy, but finding someone to love you back for what you are is very difficult. Another idea came to me while I was staring at that beautiful girl.

It is possible to find a very smart and beautiful girl and it’s possible too to find someone who’ll always makes you smile and stuff.

Let say

Magandang bobang napapangite ka dahil sa ka-eng engan niya at isang simpleng matalinong super sungit at isa pang simpleng mahinhin na super lambing.

I could find those girls. And I’m confident to say that because I’m pertaining to my friends. Hahaha!

But what I realized that time was it is once in a life time to find a girl who has all the qualities you want in a girl, and when she comes, no matter how short her stay is, you’ll love her forever and will change you literally. For better of worse, who knows?

And yes, I agree with that.

Someone came, loved me, and then left me. I was so stupid to let her go and I can’t stop blaming myself for not being a worthy partner for her. She did change my COA in my life. (Coarse of Action)

Now, I know I’m bitter and would trust a dog than a girl. Yes it is I. But still, someone is always proving me wrong and for that I could say that I might grow in love with her.

I could have my average grade 1.25 but by doing that what could I attain if there’s no someone to dedicate that victory? I could be the greatest psychologist ever existed in the field but what the hell do I have? Just myself. I think someone’s right. Love moves the world and it does make the world a better place.

Lapitin Daw Ako Sabi nina Doctora at Ma'am.

What a luck, yesterday I was brought to the infirmary coz I almost fainted after completing the 1000-meter run. Ok, I’m really not that fit and I’m not used to running like that. As if someone whom you banged yesterday is chasing you and asking you to marry her.

My vision went all white after completing the run and then I just noticed that I’m not feeling so well. What I did next is I approached my instructress to ask for any instruction, she said that I should keep my head lower than my heart. So I did. After a minute or so I’m ok again. But when I walked across the quadrangle, the sickening sensation came back. My eyes went white once again and this time, I’m much more disoriented than earlier.

So two big men came to me and brought me to the clinic. The nurse there let me rest for a few minutes after checking my status. Of course, my instructress was there for me while waiting for the doctor and then she said bye coz she needs to attend our class.

Ok rest rest and rest after some tests.

After 30 minutes or so lying awake there, my ALL FEMALE friends came.

Theresa, Nouie, Jonna, Dianne, April, Belle, Maryrose and Tin came ang wrecked havoc in the clinic asking for my condition.

After that, they left. They still have to attend our class, as for me, as you can see I’m wasted so I’m excused.

Then the nurse came to and said.

“Pagkarami rami mo naman palang girls! Iba ka hijo!”

Then she left and was replaced by the Dra. de Leon saying.

“Ang dami mong girls ah? Maya maya lang ok ka na!”

Well I guess their visit helped me a lot. Thanks to them I’m quite ok now. Well, not really but knowing that they’re concerned about me is already enough for me to stand and to run 2000 meters if anyone ask me to. Well I guess after finishing that run I’ll find myself in the morgue?

Thanks girls. Mahal na mahal ko kayo!

Oh! I forgot! My professor in Filipino saw me at the faculty room with my mom and revealed to my mother dear that almost every girl in our class are looking at me while she was discussing. She’s my favorite professor yet she sees me us the number 1 lapitin of our school. Well I guess I am what I am, someone has to be. ^__^

No More Bring Me Game For Me.

First day of School: The Ultimate Humiliation.

This is just great. You know what, after seven hours of grueling orientation and stuffs, I ended up with a nice bang for my fellow transferees and to those freshies.

Ok after all of us were transferred to the main campus building, this happy jolly MC started a game for some serious ice breaking. Of course, all of us there were tired and all, take note of the temperature today and its now getting late. We’ve been there for seven hours already so we need something to brighten up things a bit.

So this is what happened.

Bring me game.

His first item?

BPI ATM card.

I heard that so I run to the stage while pulling the card from my wallet and I handed it to the other MC the moment I arrived at the stage.

MC: Great! Here’s the winner! See guys? Lactacyd is really cool that even guys want one.

Then I go.

“What the fuck?”

“Lactacyd?”

“As in feminine wash”

Then this beautiful girl handed me this gift pack from Lactacyd with a genuine smile on her face and she even took a picture of us. With me holding the gift pack, given by…I forgot the professor’s name.

So there, in front of the whole beginners in our new school witnessed my worst nightmare. I assume that 600 plus students witnessed that.

I went down again, my fellow students from the colleges of Arts and Sciences ignored me as I make my way back to them. I don’t know if its about the feminine wash or is it just that one of them humiliated the department without asking what is the price for that stupid bring me game.

Lesson for the day: Don’t participate in any game if you don’t know what the price is or better yet, participate only if there’s no price at all.

Tekken's Most Deceptive Strategy=Perfect

Coz another entry might prove that I'm completely sane, then I'll post another stupid topic about something really stupid that I noticed just recently.

Ok, questions firsts.

1. Are you familiar with the fighting game series called Dead or Alive?

If yes, continue reading.
If no, you may proceed if you really want to read something stupid.

2. Are you familiar with its features? Like BOUNCING BREASTS of the female characters and a hell lot of costumes for the three main female characters?

3. Are you familiar with the Tekken series? Especially the recent game installment?

4. Are you familiar with Christie Monteiro, Asuka, Julia, Xiaoyu, Nina and Anna Williams?

Ok let's start.

If you're familiar with the DoA game then you probably know their trademark features. Yes, the bouncing of breast that always distracts me whenever I play the game and fight my way against any opponents. Yes, I'm such a big looser in that particular game. The reason? Their special features. The bouncing breasts. It always leaves me defeated and with a nose flooded with blood.

You could imagine me like this:

Sitting in a cross sitting position, eyes wide in awe and focused at the monitor, holding the controller, nose bleeds and a bulge in my crotch. <- Miscellaneous.

Ok, just recently, I was playing Tekken 5 Dark Resurrection at Time Zone Metro East and then I just noticed that my opponents character's boobs were jiggling/slightly bouncing. [Nina Williams] I thought it was just my imagination. Skeptical to what I noticed I attacked again my not so good juggle combo with my ever trusty Jin Kazama. The boobs jiggled! I'm not dreaming! It's true! I finished the battle with a wide grin drawn all over my face, talking to myself like a mentally retarded kid.

Maybe just Nina? Or everyone with a quite revealing outfit? To my amusement, the defeated warrior challenged me again. This time, he used Christie against my Jin. Perfect! Just what I needed! We fought. He emerged victorious. Thanks for his unmanly, cheese, not to mention the lowest art reckless button mashing tricks which I found very annoying [Very unpredictable, no pattern at all! Unmanly of course.] and the jiggling boobs of Christie, it is one hell of a distraction.

Then I observed, everyone of the female characters of the Tekken game have their boobs jiggled slightly and you won't notice it unless you have keen eyes. [translation: pervertedly keen eyes]

Nice jiggling breasts, stop it coz its annoying and distracting. I hope that the next Tekken [6] would not feature the jiggling breasts anymore. Very very dangerous to combat, I must say.


Tekken= Juggle
DoA= Jiggle

Is the word Juggle synonymous to the word Jiggle?

Courtships

I've been reading some historical stuffs lately and I just realized something about our tardation...I mean Tradition. Then just a few hours after I woke up, I decided to walk around the village and to my amusement, I came across two dogs making love. Just then I wondered if the dogs has this courtship stuffs like other animals such us penguins, rabbits and roaches. Then came this questions inside my head whose courtship ever graced the cultural diversity across the planet is the worst. I recounted that 2 or 3 years ago I've read some Soc-Anthro book that has a topic about Filipino courtship [Of course, courtship is always one of the most interesting topic to me] but to my dismay, they're nowhere to be found. I think those were the ones I gave away or the ones I burned when I'm in a blind rage several months ago. Don't ask, you know why.

But I'll discuss courtship based on what I've learned.

[Roughly based on my memory so please bear with me and I can't remember who are the authors of those books I've read before so if happens that you're familiar with them please do tell me. I should thank them for giving me some knowledge about our traditional courtship.]

Courtship during the early times took great patience, hard work and dedication on the part of the man to win the hand of his dearly beloved lady. The custom back then requires that the guys must serve the family of the girl for months…even years *shivers* and some of those customs survived until this very day to the rural areas specially somewhere south.

Darn it, our generation is quite lucky to have our own style of courtship. As usual, he must chop woods, fetch water (if he gets lucky he make silip silip while the girl is taking a bath.) and do the chores required to him. I love the fetching of water chore.

The two were forbidden to talk to each other and only their eyes meet occasionally to exchange mute messages of love [Translation: of course mischief!] Imagine that? And to add some nice desperation, there’s no chance for the two to meet secretly. Why? Of course! The girl was keenly guarded by her parents/her grandparents who where always on the watch for any sign of mischief on the part of the suitor or their girl. *grin*

Reminds me of that line “Your daughter is a freak!” oh ho, I hate the old times big time!

And after the parents were satisfied in enslaving the poor guy and after they’ve decided that the suitor would make a good husband and son-in-law [Translation: Slave], they’d finally give conditions.

See, you girls must’ve been loving it back then ne? That today you, all of you girls out there developed this egotistical ideas, characters and etc that you often accuse the boys for being so you know when the truth is, that is you, all of you is the real culprit for being such an supercilious being. Enjoying every second of your suitor’s misery for loving you.

Am I really that scornful towards women? Ha ha! Can’t blame me, one from your kind wrecked my heart. Big Time. and I mean BIG TIME.

Enough of my rants here and let’s continue.

Where were we? Oh there, conditions.

Let’s start with the words “dowry,” “pamamanhikan,” and of course my personal favorite, “bride price.” Ha ha! What the hell is that? Selling your daughter? Ha ha!

Fuck the Filipino’s old traditions! Fuck it! (I’ve successfully inserted my subliminal message.)

I think conditions revolved around the dowry. What the hell dowry is? Well sort of a gift turned over by the groom to the bride’s parents and most books says “ for all sensible purposes in exchange for the bride.

And if my memory serves me right, in European country, the dowry refers to their tradition where the bride’s parents will give a considerable present to the would be husband. But as we all know it and as Bob pointed out, BALIKTAD MAGBASA NG LIBRO ANG MGA PINOY. [Bob, I pray to you.]

When the guy decided to marry the girl, he will consult his parents and the elders of his family. If the girl’s family is acceptable to them, they’ll start negotiating in a ceremony we call now as “pamamanhikan” and trust me, I have no idea what the hell is that and what are the issues the elders discuss in today’s “pamamanhikan.”

Back then, the old timers of both parties will talk-slash-argue-slash-kill-each-other-slash-discuss the terms of a dowry [If they don’t like each other, I think and this scene is very usual today.] with great diplomacy. [Back then, thousands of years ago.]

You call the dowry as a usual marriage settlement that consist of the would be husband and wife’s necessities.

Ok this is the fun part, laugh until you die if you want for I will enumerate several kinds of dowry.

Bigay Kaya-Land, gold etc.

Pang-himuyat-Amount of money given to the bride-to-be’s mother as payment for her efforts in guiding the girl to womanhood.

Bigay-Suso- The name already told you about it. ^_^ No, you won’t give your titties but the milk from your own to the girl’s wet-nurse.

Himaraw-reinbursement to the girl’s parents for the amount spent for the girl

Sambon-and I think a bribe to be given to the girl’s relatives.

And I got this image inside my head that back then, when a guy wants to marry a girl, the girl’s parents will take the girl on stage and conducts an auction for their girl. It seems like when the girl is going to be married, her parents and her family sells her.

But today, youths like us enjoy greater freedom especially in choosing our own mate. Today, most…SOME of our parents agree to it because they think that it is their child who will live the rest of his/her life with their mates and in case the marriage does not succeed, they cannot blame their parents. Smart choices eh? That’s why we call them “Magulang.” Yet they keep a keen eye to the person whom we associate to/with *whatever* and as much as possible they’ll try to influence our decision. See? That’s another proof why we call them “Magulang.”

About our freedom for mate selection also think that most abused that freedom and got banged earlier than they should. You’ll see some of my former classmates now with their child.

Special Thanks to:

Bob Ong for inspiring me to write something.
(May special plugging ka pa ng book mo ha, kahit hindi ko pa nababasa 'yon. Ok na sa akin ang isang kopya ng apat mong libro pwera lang stainless. Thanks.)

To all Soc-Anthro book author! Sorry I can't remember what/which books I've read and who are the authors but still, thank you. You all know who you are.

Popularity in Writing

"Popularity in Writing"

That's the idea bouncing back and forth inside my head. I acquired that idea from where? Of course, Ragnaboards Fan Fic section. Until this very second, the words still resounds inside my head.

For my own idea, I write because it is the only way I can express myself clearly...somehow. I want to share my ideas through writing, I want to share my life experiences through writing and of course I want to share my pains through writing. For once, I've experienced popularity and its not that good as many people sees it and popularity is not the reason why I write.

Popularity comes hand in hand with your own doom.

I'll write until I die but I'll avoid popularity.

Because there are people around who can't stand seeing you high above them and will do anything to pull you down to their level. (lalo na 'yong mga nasa Tard City)

[there are people also who knows nothing about the issues yet wants to grill you because they believe that they were the victims (of your writings)]

and to those people who know nothing but to meddle with other peoples affair, those people who keeps on pulling someone down though they don't know the whole truth, two words for you. "God Bless"


[And yes, I'm talking about you, wag mo nang itanong kung sino ka.]


Fan Fare ROCKS~!

Tard City SUCKS~!

Michelle part 3

April 09 2007, Monday, 06:24 pm.

She said yes. She made me the happiest man on earth that night.

She made me her BF~!!




































BEST FRIEND.

PKMK

http://ragnaboards.levelupgames.ph/index.php?showtopic=24524&st=0

That is actually a fic written by me and that story is actually plot less. What the hell you call a story without a plot? Everyone agrees in fan fare that plot less stories are called PORN. Well, I agree. A lot of action but without a plot. So that story, Paano Kung Mahal Kita is actually a porn? I don't know but to be honest, I was writing some silly stuffs right now and that story is just a mere practice. And that practice story is "come-what-may" for me because I don't have any plot to start with. And as you can see, my English is one bloody mess. I'm really not that good in English coz my gift is in our own language. But still, PKMK sucks. Its a starting point for me here at RB but still, the Project Orphanage will be my first focus this year.

Right kevin? You're the main protagonist in that story and you'll be very happy to see its ending.

You'll die. Your fiance's father will kill you.

Kevin: *umaakbay kay girl*
father: Ehem ehem
Kevin: Gusto niyo po ng bisolvon?
Father: Ikaw, gusto mo sa ICU?

oh well, its April 2... hufwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.... I haven't sleep yet so I should press the red button now.

P.S.

Who wants to be Kevin's love interest in the Orphanage? YM niyo na lang. :)

Michelle Part 2

We met yesterday. I'm happy but I just realized something new about her. I realized that she became someone else, she's not the little Michelle I know anymore. Yes, I know that change is the only permanent thing in this world and I'm very happy that she trusts me to know her more. I may not know her that much right now or whatever but I'm willing to take this chance to know her better. Well, I'm not thinking about anything related to relationship right now but the real plan is to help her change. Well, not really change but to help her grow more to become a better, stronger person. Yes, that's the exact same reason almost a year ago when someone came back from my past.

Deja vu?

I don't know.

Whether it is a test or chance for me now then I'll gladly take it.

I want to help her and I must admit that I like her.

If ever that she might be reading this then so be it, at least she know now what I'm thinking about her.

Wait, yes I did tell her 2 years ago that I like her. I hope she remembers it.

Plus, I learned something new again yesterday when we talked about our stuffs and silly me, now there are two girls in my life that will always prove wrong about them. Women.

Lies

"An artist use lies to tell the truth while the politician use lies to tell the truth."

-V, Evey's father.V for Vendetta.

Its been months since I first saw V for Vendetta and I'm still wondering why does the original DVD copy of that movie hasn't lower its price yet. Well, perhaps of its theme, political tyranny and err... political activism? For me, V is another symbol for freedom, courage, vengeance, test, tricks, lies and random insanity. Just like Rizal, he was inspire by the Count of Monte Cristo and guess what? When I started bombing, please do blame El Fili and Noli. Oh yeah of course V for Vendetta.

Looks like I went too far from my topic? What's my topic in the first place? Oh yeah, about the lies that could tell the truth. That's quite true for me, I usually use my stories to tell someone the truth like for example, I use this certain story to tell a girl that I grew in love with her. I hope she's reading that story to get my message.

Well another thing about my stories (written stories) they were all based on someone's life, I mean, like if I use your name at a certain story that I'm currently working on, then it must have something to do with you or must have something to tell you. Or maybe, I'm just trying to tell you something stupid that I know you wouldn't want to hear but I really want to tell you. But whatever it is, my English still sucks.