They WERE Roland and Mazhiel and We ARE Dylan and Azel

Angels do Exist.

"Hello." He greeted, standing next to me. I thought it was just another day but I bump with someone that has been the very reason for me to reanalyze things especially when falling in love.

"Whadup?" He jokingly asked then sat on the grass covered ground. He's always like this but I can't shake the feeling that this guy is not the same Roland I used to play with when we were little.

"Nothing. Call center sucks." I said, throwing a fretful glance at him. "You?"

"Been better." He replied. The usual sadness in his voice was gone and that familiar melancholic tone of his voice was replaced by utter cheerfulness. Cheerfulness that I have never seen in him.

"What's wrong? You're looking at me as if I'm an alien? Do I have a booger on my face?" He laughed and tugged me to sat with him. I can't help but laugh too so I did and sat down with him.

"You've changed." I said halfheartedly, throwing a stone far down the river banks. I don't know what happened to him but he changed. Changed that it was not the same aura he emanates whenever I'm around him.

"Me? Changed? Half yes and half no."

"Half no because you're still visiting this place."

He snorted and ran his fingers to his hair. His mannerism whenever someone hit the bull's eye. Of course I won't miss, the very reason why he visits this place is her and that's the ultimate truth. Its her. Not the ambiance. Its her not the scene. Its her not because we could see the building where we work in libis. Its her. Nothing more.

"And you're still the same Dylan. Major pain in the butt." He said, flipping the page of his familiar notebook and scribbling something on it. "By the way, aren't you going abroad this july?"

"Maybe. I don't know. If the work requires me, then so be it." Actually yes. I want to go abroad so I can escape the pain that I have been enduring for these past three years. I want to go somewhere far, far enough just to make me forget about Azel.

"Still hurt, I see." He chuckled. Then snapped his notebook to my face. "You're reminding me of my old self." He paused, shot his stare to the Gazebo on the other side of the river and continued, "the Roland that was consumed by pain, hate, anger and everything that isn't nice. In short bitter."

"Sino bang hindi magiging ganon? After the roadtrip, the blame is on you? I don't know, Kuya but I think both of us shares that ill-fated fairytale love story." I'm starting to feel the familiar searing pain within me. I wanted to cry but just can't. It seems like my tears have dried. I can't feel anything. Nothing. Nothing but pain. I don't know how to escape this malefice, the more I try, the more I can't move on. Para kang nasa kumunoy. Sabi nga ni Kuya, pwersahin mong umahon lalo kang lulubog. He's right. I'm sinking and I think the only person that can save me is Azel.

What happened. I asked myself. Then eyed him intently. I can't get it. Is this really him? As far as I can remember, he talks like the way I talk. Especially about this fucking thing we call love. Love that most of the time cause more agony than fulfillment.

He just chuckled and showed me his old, black 6600, showing Azel's number in his contact list. "Its her number right?"

"Where did you get that?"

"From the Guy up there?" He shot back, pointing to the sky. "Punchline is, I can help other people with their problem and gave them their dream solution but when it comes to my problem, I'm always out. Unfair but its okay." He then stood up and lifted his gaze up to the clear blue sky. "I've always wanted to talk to her but I think there wont be a chance anymore." The joy in voice faded only to be replaced by a sounding remorse. Whatever it was that made me listen was inexplicable.

"Gusto ko lang naman magsorry, and hope to God that we'll be able to pick up the things that we left. Specifically our friendship." His eyes went back to me. "Hindi naman talaga kami nagkaroon ng sarili naming oras, always on a haste just for her to make it home earlier."

"So you're blaming her?"

"Not really. I can't blame her of course. Both us have our own shares of faults in our relationship. The only thing that I want is for her to listen. She could hear my plea but I think she's not listening. Hearing is very different from listening."

"Fuck it ok, what's the point?"

"Nothing. I just want to release something." Then he chuckled. It was annoying of him but whatever it is that changed him must have been bigger than the pain she inflicted to him. Big enough to make this dumb ass happy again or seemingly happy, whatever.

"Ask me a question, I'll answer it." He said gesturing like dimwit T.V. host in front of me. "No, tell me your prayer, your ultimate concern and maybe I can make it happen."

"Don't mess with me, 'aight?"

"C'mon, there's no harm on trying."

"Fuck it, the last time I tried brought me here, with this freaking pain!"

"If you don't want to, okay." He said to me, his voice then was serious. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Nah, its alright." He said, sitting down back next to me. "Always been dreaming of becoming an angel." He said, staring at the sky. "So I can forgive myself."

Silence.

He said nothing, so did I. Only the chirping of the bird and the leaves swaying with the wind were the only thing we heard. I don't know what happened but I told him what I'm praying for.

"I want her back, the way you wanted Mazhiel back a year ago."

He said nothing but a calm smile traced his lips.

"I'm having doubts already to God, I'm challenging Him these past years. I'm challenging Him if He is true, make her come back to me, and if she did comes back, I'll devout my whole life to God."

He looked at me with the usual "kuya look" in his eyes, as if assuring me that what I prayed for will be mine. Soon. As in later or tomorrow.

"You're lucky." He said, giving me his old notebook. "Read that."

I read his work and noted that this piece should be read by Azel.

http://furiuosdevilhunter.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2008/03/something_from_.html

"I wrote that when you know." He said, taking the notebook from me.

I heaved a tired sigh, memories of her came in a barrage. I don't really like it when her face came flashing before my very eyes.

"Are you really serious about challenging God?" He asked, like an arrow shot and landed directly to its mark, his question hit me.

"Yes, just make her come back to me."

"Well, good." He said, turning behind us. "That's good because she's here." He continued, standing up. I on the other hand didn't belied my eyes as a very familiar figure stood several paces away from us. It was Azel, with the usual timid look in her face.

"I'm outa here. God bless you two." Were Roland's last words before he left us.

From that moment on, I surrendered my whole life to God. Now I believe that angels do exist and everything is possible to God.

English

Now I know why other asian choose to learn english here in the philippines. Because Pilipino people are one of the best people in asia that could use english fluently and eloquently. Besides, if you haven't noticed that some signs in english (in asian countries nearby) really sucks and will drive you nuts.

For example, a warning in a train station in tokyo says something like..uhh? Just check it out, here's the link.

(Tinanggal ko kasi baka mademanda ako. Try niyo na lang maghanap sa engrish.)

Hindi na ako mag-e-english, baka mapintasan pa dahil namimintas pa ako. Next time na magtaka ka bakit sobrang daming singkit dito sa Pilipinas e alam mo na ang sagot. Nag-aaral silang mag-english. Tas babayaran lang tayo ng kakarampot. C'mon. Lalo na 'yong mga school institution na ginagawang libangan (profit source) ang mga "training-for-our-people-and-service-for-our-fellow-asians-who-suck-in-english" na 'yan e mag-isip isip.

6 8 12 Syndrome

I was really happy that night. It was cold, a sign that the holidays is coming. It was the very first time in times like this I felt very happy. I don't know, I'm just happy. Seems like everything was perfect for me that night. The wind, brushing against my auburn hair was alive yet cold. The moon was there, silently hovering above me. The flickering of merry Christmas lights went on as I let a veiled smile in my lips. I was about to sing for an occasion. But I didn't know what the hell I would sing in front of the whole family of my friend. Then, when I arrived, they gave me a copy of the song's lyrics...


Do you ever think about me?
Do you ever cry yourself to sleep?
In the middle of the night when you're awake,
Are you calling out for me?
Do you ever reminisce?
I cant believe I'm acting like this
I know its crazy
How I still can feel your kiss

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Do you ever ask about me?
Do your friends still tell you what to do?
Every time the phone rings
Do you wish it was me calling you?
Do you still feel the same?
Or has time put out the flame?
I miss you
Is everything okay?

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Its hard enough just passing the time
When I can't seem to get you off my mind
And where is the good in goodbye?
Tell me why, tell me why

Its been six months eight days twelve hours since
you went away
I miss you so much and I don't know what to say
I should be over you,
I should know better but its not just the case
Its been six months eight days twelve hours since you went away

Sing it for me...



I sang the song well. Of course I'm a fan of Bryan Mcknight and besides, I'm familiar with almost of his songs.But I think its not my familiarity that brought the song well. Maybe because, once in my life, something happened to me that's very similar to the song's message. And I miss her so much and I don't know what to say.

Tekken Addict

I've always been an avid fan and a hardcore player of the Tekken Series especially the latest installment: Tekken 5/ Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection (let's include TEKKEN TAG). And I'd never really thought about the tekken syndrome getting into me so deeply that it affects my thinking and everyday work. Take for an instance when I coached our Org's Basketball team.

Player: Coach, ano plan? (he said while he was slowly passing by me.)

Me: Godfist mo, tapos i-juggle mo.

Player: Huh?

Me:Pag na-juggle mo 'wag mo na bitawan.

Player: Ano 'yon coach?

Me: Tapos pasa mo sa kakampi mo. Mag tag ka!

End result, we lost the game.

A Jeep Ride To School

I'd never thought that riding my usual "patok" jeep would turn out to be one hell of a mess. What happened? Well, here's the story.

I was looking for a nice jeep to ride, (well, I'm actually looking for the "patok" jeep that has the kind of music that will fill me in the whole duration of the travel.) less than 10 minutes I found one and took it.

Its nice, very comfortable and not to mention the jeep's music was so cool that it made me sing along with every song that the DJ played. Err I mean, "kundoktor."

I was seated near the "estribo" so I could see everyone who's climbing up. I thought there's nothing special about that position but when this beautiful girl came aboard, I realized how lucky I am sitting here (Only to find out that this position is also cursed). Why? Well, because we were riding a "patok" you could expect that the driver would start hitting the gas as soon as he saw your body inside the jeep. The driver hit the gas, the girl almost fell and I'm the only hope so I catch her. I thought I was hearing the song with the line:

"catch me I'm falling for you..."

when our eyes met. She's very beautiful and she's...

"Thanks," she said. Her voice...she's...

What the fuck! She's a gay! I mean he's a gay!

Dumfuck! I almost puked the moment I realized that. So being as gentle as I could I restrained myself from punching her...him. Darn it.

Then I drowned myself to the intoxicating music of that Jeep, I was really pissed so I need an entertainment. A solid one to make me forget what happened.

Another girl came aboard, I ignored her coz I thought she might be another decepticons but when I noticed she's wearing a kind of loose tank top with a very cute neckline, I rejoiced for once again this seat was blessed. Yes! I'm lucky to be seated her!

So much for my perversion another set of girls came aboard, beautiful girls that seemed to be angels, angels with a single devil with them. Darn it! Another gay for the day!

But before all them are inside, this guy sitting beside me noticed that the girls are too beautiful to be just seated next to a "goon" (the man right in front of me that looked like Lizardo from the old Panday movies) so he decided to transfer beside the "goon." (so that he could be seated right next to one of those beautiful girls.

The first thought that came to my mind was:

"Here's another pervert, a more perverted man than me."

But to my surprise, the girls noticed what he is planning so all of them sat beside me and the only gay of the group sat beside the guy who transferred.

"Good." I mumbled grinning.

20 minutes later, Linkin Park's songs were being played and I was so really enjoying the music that I sang along loudly. The speaker was too loud for everyone of us so my co-passengers won't notice that I'm singing my heart out that time. To my dismay the sound went dead all of sudden in the middle of the line:

"You like to think you're never wrong!!!" (You lived what you've learned)


I was singing that time when the music died so I was left singing like a drunken retard there. All of the passengers looked at me, including the gay that I caught. He's smiling darn it!

The next thing I said was:

"Ma tabi lang."

After alighting, I ran as fast as I could coz that was the most humiliating day of my life next to the lactacyd episode! Well, I just said to myself that day:

"Badtrip napahiya ako doon sobra!"

Tired of Waiting for Answers.

I’m so tired. Tired of looking for that girl that will love me for what I am. I guess my decision is right. Priesthood. I’ve seen the face of God through her and its already enough for me. I’m thankful that I loved someone with all of my heart, that’s a once in a lifetime chance that I took. Though the relationship ended in a blink of an eye, I just want to thank her for giving me the honor to be with her and I really wanted to apologize for everything. She took me to the light, let me see the face of God through her and made me feel that once in a lifetime happiness. Now the time has come to serve God.

I’m not a coward. It’s just that I’m tired of thinking about myself. Time to go back where I truly belong: The Order of the Holy Cross.

-o-

3 years and counting...

You have 3 more years to convince me not to go the order.

And I have 3 more years to have someone who will sway my mind.

I’m hoping for something I don’t know.

Random Thoughts From an Insane Person

“Happiness is being married to your best friend.”

What the hell? She’s my best friend and what happened? She left me. Ok you know who in heaven I’m talking about and if you do not, don’t ask.

I was buying something for Nouie that time when I saw that for the second time, the first was when I was looking for something to give to her (my best friend and girl friend). That was last year, Aug. 7, Monday.

The moment I rest my eyes upon those words engraved in that special stone, I smiled and told myself it’s true. I think I fantasized about our wedding day that time that I bumped into something expensive and broke it. And paid for it.

But again, when I saw it last Tuesday, I don’t know what happened because deep inside I was cursing the one who’s responsible for doing that stupid stuff and writing something really stupid about best friends. I grew bitter each day and I admit it that until now I’m hurt.

Maybe I could pretend that I’m a happy jolly bastard but I’m really not. If got hurt and wounded your knee and tried to heal it, it would. But it would leave you a scar and then you want to erase the memory of that wound by removing the scar. Even if you removed the scar and your skin is like that of a baby, you can never really deny the fact that you received a wound. You may have removed the evidence of it but you cannot escape the fact that once you’re hurt.

And I’m starting again about the past that I should not— never mind.

Back to my story, I bought the pig and then while making my way out something came to my mind.

What the hell love really is?

This is the very first time that I asked myself what is love. Well, I guess I still believe in my father that I don’t need to define love; I just need someone to define it for me.

Then I analyzed.

Love… right now I could say that I am feeling love. For whom? I don’t know. I just realized that whenever I felt like this, I always loose sleep, my mind wondering back from a certain past and of course dreaming of the idea of having her again in my arms or maybe not her but another girl? Who knows?

Then it came to me, I just realized that I was looking for love coz I could feel love I don’t have it. Its natural, if we don’t have it, we tend to look for it and then when the time comes that we found it, we don’t know what to do about. Whether to grab the chance or to let it go, coz you believe that “we’re better of friends” or maybe you’re just afraid to lose a special someone or possibly you’re just fooling your self that it is not the right time for now and there will be another one. Oh I almost forgot, or maybe you’re so consumed for a certain person that you cannot have but still hoping and waiting for that person even he/she is on a relationship while there’s someone waiting for you to look at her/him. And then when you will realize that it’s too late.

When I saw this beautiful girl I thought to myself she’s almost perfect for me, then I heard her talking about their subject and she’s tutoring her classmate about their lessons. Beautiful, smart and of course she’s nice.

I believed in my philosophy about finding someone to love is very easy, but finding someone to love you back for what you are is very difficult. Another idea came to me while I was staring at that beautiful girl.

It is possible to find a very smart and beautiful girl and it’s possible too to find someone who’ll always makes you smile and stuff.

Let say

Magandang bobang napapangite ka dahil sa ka-eng engan niya at isang simpleng matalinong super sungit at isa pang simpleng mahinhin na super lambing.

I could find those girls. And I’m confident to say that because I’m pertaining to my friends. Hahaha!

But what I realized that time was it is once in a life time to find a girl who has all the qualities you want in a girl, and when she comes, no matter how short her stay is, you’ll love her forever and will change you literally. For better of worse, who knows?

And yes, I agree with that.

Someone came, loved me, and then left me. I was so stupid to let her go and I can’t stop blaming myself for not being a worthy partner for her. She did change my COA in my life. (Coarse of Action)

Now, I know I’m bitter and would trust a dog than a girl. Yes it is I. But still, someone is always proving me wrong and for that I could say that I might grow in love with her.

I could have my average grade 1.25 but by doing that what could I attain if there’s no someone to dedicate that victory? I could be the greatest psychologist ever existed in the field but what the hell do I have? Just myself. I think someone’s right. Love moves the world and it does make the world a better place.