Angels do Exist.
"Hello." He greeted, standing next to me. I thought it was just another day but I bump with someone that has been the very reason for me to reanalyze things especially when falling in love.
"Whadup?" He jokingly asked then sat on the grass covered ground. He's always like this but I can't shake the feeling that this guy is not the same Roland I used to play with when we were little.
"Nothing. Call center sucks." I said, throwing a fretful glance at him. "You?"
"Been better." He replied. The usual sadness in his voice was gone and that familiar melancholic tone of his voice was replaced by utter cheerfulness. Cheerfulness that I have never seen in him.
"What's wrong? You're looking at me as if I'm an alien? Do I have a booger on my face?" He laughed and tugged me to sat with him. I can't help but laugh too so I did and sat down with him.
"You've changed." I said halfheartedly, throwing a stone far down the river banks. I don't know what happened to him but he changed. Changed that it was not the same aura he emanates whenever I'm around him.
"Me? Changed? Half yes and half no."
"Half no because you're still visiting this place."
He snorted and ran his fingers to his hair. His mannerism whenever someone hit the bull's eye. Of course I won't miss, the very reason why he visits this place is her and that's the ultimate truth. Its her. Not the ambiance. Its her not the scene. Its her not because we could see the building where we work in libis. Its her. Nothing more.
"And you're still the same Dylan. Major pain in the butt." He said, flipping the page of his familiar notebook and scribbling something on it. "By the way, aren't you going abroad this july?"
"Maybe. I don't know. If the work requires me, then so be it." Actually yes. I want to go abroad so I can escape the pain that I have been enduring for these past three years. I want to go somewhere far, far enough just to make me forget about Azel.
"Still hurt, I see." He chuckled. Then snapped his notebook to my face. "You're reminding me of my old self." He paused, shot his stare to the Gazebo on the other side of the river and continued, "the Roland that was consumed by pain, hate, anger and everything that isn't nice. In short bitter."
"Sino bang hindi magiging ganon? After the roadtrip, the blame is on you? I don't know, Kuya but I think both of us shares that ill-fated fairytale love story." I'm starting to feel the familiar searing pain within me. I wanted to cry but just can't. It seems like my tears have dried. I can't feel anything. Nothing. Nothing but pain. I don't know how to escape this malefice, the more I try, the more I can't move on. Para kang nasa kumunoy. Sabi nga ni Kuya, pwersahin mong umahon lalo kang lulubog. He's right. I'm sinking and I think the only person that can save me is Azel.
What happened. I asked myself. Then eyed him intently. I can't get it. Is this really him? As far as I can remember, he talks like the way I talk. Especially about this fucking thing we call love. Love that most of the time cause more agony than fulfillment.
He just chuckled and showed me his old, black 6600, showing Azel's number in his contact list. "Its her number right?"
"Where did you get that?"
"From the Guy up there?" He shot back, pointing to the sky. "Punchline is, I can help other people with their problem and gave them their dream solution but when it comes to my problem, I'm always out. Unfair but its okay." He then stood up and lifted his gaze up to the clear blue sky. "I've always wanted to talk to her but I think there wont be a chance anymore." The joy in voice faded only to be replaced by a sounding remorse. Whatever it was that made me listen was inexplicable.
"Gusto ko lang naman magsorry, and hope to God that we'll be able to pick up the things that we left. Specifically our friendship." His eyes went back to me. "Hindi naman talaga kami nagkaroon ng sarili naming oras, always on a haste just for her to make it home earlier."
"So you're blaming her?"
"Not really. I can't blame her of course. Both us have our own shares of faults in our relationship. The only thing that I want is for her to listen. She could hear my plea but I think she's not listening. Hearing is very different from listening."
"Fuck it ok, what's the point?"
"Nothing. I just want to release something." Then he chuckled. It was annoying of him but whatever it is that changed him must have been bigger than the pain she inflicted to him. Big enough to make this dumb ass happy again or seemingly happy, whatever.
"Ask me a question, I'll answer it." He said gesturing like dimwit T.V. host in front of me. "No, tell me your prayer, your ultimate concern and maybe I can make it happen."
"Don't mess with me, 'aight?"
"C'mon, there's no harm on trying."
"Fuck it, the last time I tried brought me here, with this freaking pain!"
"If you don't want to, okay." He said to me, his voice then was serious. "Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Nah, its alright." He said, sitting down back next to me. "Always been dreaming of becoming an angel." He said, staring at the sky. "So I can forgive myself."
Silence.
He said nothing, so did I. Only the chirping of the bird and the leaves swaying with the wind were the only thing we heard. I don't know what happened but I told him what I'm praying for.
"I want her back, the way you wanted Mazhiel back a year ago."
He said nothing but a calm smile traced his lips.
"I'm having doubts already to God, I'm challenging Him these past years. I'm challenging Him if He is true, make her come back to me, and if she did comes back, I'll devout my whole life to God."
He looked at me with the usual "kuya look" in his eyes, as if assuring me that what I prayed for will be mine. Soon. As in later or tomorrow.
"You're lucky." He said, giving me his old notebook. "Read that."
I read his work and noted that this piece should be read by Azel.
http://furiuosdevilhunter.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2008/03/something_from_.html
"I wrote that when you know." He said, taking the notebook from me.
I heaved a tired sigh, memories of her came in a barrage. I don't really like it when her face came flashing before my very eyes.
"Are you really serious about challenging God?" He asked, like an arrow shot and landed directly to its mark, his question hit me.
"Yes, just make her come back to me."
"Well, good." He said, turning behind us. "That's good because she's here." He continued, standing up. I on the other hand didn't belied my eyes as a very familiar figure stood several paces away from us. It was Azel, with the usual timid look in her face.
"I'm outa here. God bless you two." Were Roland's last words before he left us.
From that moment on, I surrendered my whole life to God. Now I believe that angels do exist and everything is possible to God.
