I've been reading some historical stuffs lately and I just realized something about our tardation...I mean Tradition. Then just a few hours after I woke up, I decided to walk around the village and to my amusement, I came across two dogs making love. Just then I wondered if the dogs has this courtship stuffs like other animals such us penguins, rabbits and roaches. Then came this questions inside my head whose courtship ever graced the cultural diversity across the planet is the worst. I recounted that 2 or 3 years ago I've read some Soc-Anthro book that has a topic about Filipino courtship [Of course, courtship is always one of the most interesting topic to me] but to my dismay, they're nowhere to be found. I think those were the ones I gave away or the ones I burned when I'm in a blind rage several months ago. Don't ask, you know why.
But I'll discuss courtship based on what I've learned.[Roughly based on my memory so please bear with me and I can't remember who are the authors of those books I've read before so if happens that you're familiar with them please do tell me. I should thank them for giving me some knowledge about our traditional courtship.]
Courtship during the early times took great patience, hard work and dedication on the part of the man to win the hand of his dearly beloved lady. The custom back then requires that the guys must serve the family of the girl for months…even years *shivers* and some of those customs survived until this very day to the rural areas specially somewhere south.
Darn it, our generation is quite lucky to have our own style of courtship. As usual, he must chop woods, fetch water (if he gets lucky he make silip silip while the girl is taking a bath.) and do the chores required to him. I love the fetching of water chore.
The two were forbidden to talk to each other and only their eyes meet occasionally to exchange mute messages of love [Translation: of course mischief!] Imagine that? And to add some nice desperation, there’s no chance for the two to meet secretly. Why? Of course! The girl was keenly guarded by her parents/her grandparents who where always on the watch for any sign of mischief on the part of the suitor or their girl. *grin*
Reminds me of that line “Your daughter is a freak!” oh ho, I hate the old times big time!
And after the parents were satisfied in enslaving the poor guy and after they’ve decided that the suitor would make a good husband and son-in-law [Translation: Slave], they’d finally give conditions.
See, you girls must’ve been loving it back then ne? That today you, all of you girls out there developed this egotistical ideas, characters and etc that you often accuse the boys for being so you know when the truth is, that is you, all of you is the real culprit for being such an supercilious being. Enjoying every second of your suitor’s misery for loving you.
Am I really that scornful towards women? Ha ha! Can’t blame me, one from your kind wrecked my heart. Big Time. and I mean BIG TIME.
Enough of my rants here and let’s continue.
Where were we? Oh there, conditions.
Let’s start with the words “dowry,” “pamamanhikan,” and of course my personal favorite, “bride price.” Ha ha! What the hell is that? Selling your daughter? Ha ha!
Fuck the Filipino’s old traditions! Fuck it! (I’ve successfully inserted my subliminal message.)
I think conditions revolved around the dowry. What the hell dowry is? Well sort of a gift turned over by the groom to the bride’s parents and most books says “ for all sensible purposes in exchange for the bride.
And if my memory serves me right, in European country, the dowry refers to their tradition where the bride’s parents will give a considerable present to the would be husband. But as we all know it and as Bob pointed out, BALIKTAD MAGBASA NG LIBRO ANG MGA PINOY. [Bob, I pray to you.]
When the guy decided to marry the girl, he will consult his parents and the elders of his family. If the girl’s family is acceptable to them, they’ll start negotiating in a ceremony we call now as “pamamanhikan” and trust me, I have no idea what the hell is that and what are the issues the elders discuss in today’s “pamamanhikan.”
Back then, the old timers of both parties will talk-slash-argue-slash-kill-each-other-slash-discuss the terms of a dowry [If they don’t like each other, I think and this scene is very usual today.] with great diplomacy. [Back then, thousands of years ago.]
You call the dowry as a usual marriage settlement that consist of the would be husband and wife’s necessities.
Ok this is the fun part, laugh until you die if you want for I will enumerate several kinds of dowry.
Bigay Kaya-Land, gold etc.
Pang-himuyat-Amount of money given to the bride-to-be’s mother as payment for her efforts in guiding the girl to womanhood.
Bigay-Suso- The name already told you about it. ^_^ No, you won’t give your titties but the milk from your own to the girl’s wet-nurse.
Himaraw-reinbursement to the girl’s parents for the amount spent for the girl
Sambon-and I think a bribe to be given to the girl’s relatives.
And I got this image inside my head that back then, when a guy wants to marry a girl, the girl’s parents will take the girl on stage and conducts an auction for their girl. It seems like when the girl is going to be married, her parents and her family sells her.
But today, youths like us enjoy greater freedom especially in choosing our own mate. Today, most…SOME of our parents agree to it because they think that it is their child who will live the rest of his/her life with their mates and in case the marriage does not succeed, they cannot blame their parents. Smart choices eh? That’s why we call them “Magulang.” Yet they keep a keen eye to the person whom we associate to/with *whatever* and as much as possible they’ll try to influence our decision. See? That’s another proof why we call them “Magulang.”
About our freedom for mate selection also think that most abused that freedom and got banged earlier than they should. You’ll see some of my former classmates now with their child.
Special Thanks to:
Bob Ong for inspiring me to write something.
(May special plugging ka pa ng book mo ha, kahit hindi ko pa nababasa 'yon. Ok na sa akin ang isang kopya ng apat mong libro pwera lang stainless. Thanks.)
To all Soc-Anthro book author! Sorry I can't remember what/which books I've read and who are the authors but still, thank you. You all know who you are.
