“Happiness is being married to your best friend.”
What the hell? She’s my best friend and what happened? She left me. Ok you know who in heaven I’m talking about and if you do not, don’t ask.
I was buying something for Nouie that time when I saw that for the second time, the first was when I was looking for something to give to her (my best friend and girl friend). That was last year, Aug. 7, Monday.
The moment I rest my eyes upon those words engraved in that special stone, I smiled and told myself it’s true. I think I fantasized about our wedding day that time that I bumped into something expensive and broke it. And paid for it.
But again, when I saw it last Tuesday, I don’t know what happened because deep inside I was cursing the one who’s responsible for doing that stupid stuff and writing something really stupid about best friends. I grew bitter each day and I admit it that until now I’m hurt.
Maybe I could pretend that I’m a happy jolly bastard but I’m really not. If got hurt and wounded your knee and tried to heal it, it would. But it would leave you a scar and then you want to erase the memory of that wound by removing the scar. Even if you removed the scar and your skin is like that of a baby, you can never really deny the fact that you received a wound. You may have removed the evidence of it but you cannot escape the fact that once you’re hurt.
And I’m starting again about the past that I should not— never mind.
Back to my story, I bought the pig and then while making my way out something came to my mind.
What the hell love really is?
This is the very first time that I asked myself what is love. Well, I guess I still believe in my father that I don’t need to define love; I just need someone to define it for me.
Then I analyzed.
Love… right now I could say that I am feeling love. For whom? I don’t know. I just realized that whenever I felt like this, I always loose sleep, my mind wondering back from a certain past and of course dreaming of the idea of having her again in my arms or maybe not her but another girl? Who knows?
Then it came to me, I just realized that I was looking for love coz I could feel love I don’t have it. Its natural, if we don’t have it, we tend to look for it and then when the time comes that we found it, we don’t know what to do about. Whether to grab the chance or to let it go, coz you believe that “we’re better of friends” or maybe you’re just afraid to lose a special someone or possibly you’re just fooling your self that it is not the right time for now and there will be another one. Oh I almost forgot, or maybe you’re so consumed for a certain person that you cannot have but still hoping and waiting for that person even he/she is on a relationship while there’s someone waiting for you to look at her/him. And then when you will realize that it’s too late.
When I saw this beautiful girl I thought to myself she’s almost perfect for me, then I heard her talking about their subject and she’s tutoring her classmate about their lessons. Beautiful, smart and of course she’s nice.
I believed in my philosophy about finding someone to love is very easy, but finding someone to love you back for what you are is very difficult. Another idea came to me while I was staring at that beautiful girl.
It is possible to find a very smart and beautiful girl and it’s possible too to find someone who’ll always makes you smile and stuff.
Let say
Magandang bobang napapangite ka dahil sa ka-eng engan niya at isang simpleng matalinong super sungit at isa pang simpleng mahinhin na super lambing.
I could find those girls. And I’m confident to say that because I’m pertaining to my friends. Hahaha!
But what I realized that time was it is once in a life time to find a girl who has all the qualities you want in a girl, and when she comes, no matter how short her stay is, you’ll love her forever and will change you literally. For better of worse, who knows?
And yes, I agree with that.
Someone came, loved me, and then left me. I was so stupid to let her go and I can’t stop blaming myself for not being a worthy partner for her. She did change my COA in my life. (Coarse of Action)
Now, I know I’m bitter and would trust a dog than a girl. Yes it is I. But still, someone is always proving me wrong and for that I could say that I might grow in love with her.
I could have my average grade 1.25 but by doing that what could I attain if there’s no someone to dedicate that victory? I could be the greatest psychologist ever existed in the field but what the hell do I have? Just myself. I think someone’s right. Love moves the world and it does make the world a better place.
