Tired of Waiting for Answers.

I’m so tired. Tired of looking for that girl that will love me for what I am. I guess my decision is right. Priesthood. I’ve seen the face of God through her and its already enough for me. I’m thankful that I loved someone with all of my heart, that’s a once in a lifetime chance that I took. Though the relationship ended in a blink of an eye, I just want to thank her for giving me the honor to be with her and I really wanted to apologize for everything. She took me to the light, let me see the face of God through her and made me feel that once in a lifetime happiness. Now the time has come to serve God.

I’m not a coward. It’s just that I’m tired of thinking about myself. Time to go back where I truly belong: The Order of the Holy Cross.

-o-

3 years and counting...

You have 3 more years to convince me not to go the order.

And I have 3 more years to have someone who will sway my mind.

I’m hoping for something I don’t know.

Random Thoughts From an Insane Person

“Happiness is being married to your best friend.”

What the hell? She’s my best friend and what happened? She left me. Ok you know who in heaven I’m talking about and if you do not, don’t ask.

I was buying something for Nouie that time when I saw that for the second time, the first was when I was looking for something to give to her (my best friend and girl friend). That was last year, Aug. 7, Monday.

The moment I rest my eyes upon those words engraved in that special stone, I smiled and told myself it’s true. I think I fantasized about our wedding day that time that I bumped into something expensive and broke it. And paid for it.

But again, when I saw it last Tuesday, I don’t know what happened because deep inside I was cursing the one who’s responsible for doing that stupid stuff and writing something really stupid about best friends. I grew bitter each day and I admit it that until now I’m hurt.

Maybe I could pretend that I’m a happy jolly bastard but I’m really not. If got hurt and wounded your knee and tried to heal it, it would. But it would leave you a scar and then you want to erase the memory of that wound by removing the scar. Even if you removed the scar and your skin is like that of a baby, you can never really deny the fact that you received a wound. You may have removed the evidence of it but you cannot escape the fact that once you’re hurt.

And I’m starting again about the past that I should not— never mind.

Back to my story, I bought the pig and then while making my way out something came to my mind.

What the hell love really is?

This is the very first time that I asked myself what is love. Well, I guess I still believe in my father that I don’t need to define love; I just need someone to define it for me.

Then I analyzed.

Love… right now I could say that I am feeling love. For whom? I don’t know. I just realized that whenever I felt like this, I always loose sleep, my mind wondering back from a certain past and of course dreaming of the idea of having her again in my arms or maybe not her but another girl? Who knows?

Then it came to me, I just realized that I was looking for love coz I could feel love I don’t have it. Its natural, if we don’t have it, we tend to look for it and then when the time comes that we found it, we don’t know what to do about. Whether to grab the chance or to let it go, coz you believe that “we’re better of friends” or maybe you’re just afraid to lose a special someone or possibly you’re just fooling your self that it is not the right time for now and there will be another one. Oh I almost forgot, or maybe you’re so consumed for a certain person that you cannot have but still hoping and waiting for that person even he/she is on a relationship while there’s someone waiting for you to look at her/him. And then when you will realize that it’s too late.

When I saw this beautiful girl I thought to myself she’s almost perfect for me, then I heard her talking about their subject and she’s tutoring her classmate about their lessons. Beautiful, smart and of course she’s nice.

I believed in my philosophy about finding someone to love is very easy, but finding someone to love you back for what you are is very difficult. Another idea came to me while I was staring at that beautiful girl.

It is possible to find a very smart and beautiful girl and it’s possible too to find someone who’ll always makes you smile and stuff.

Let say

Magandang bobang napapangite ka dahil sa ka-eng engan niya at isang simpleng matalinong super sungit at isa pang simpleng mahinhin na super lambing.

I could find those girls. And I’m confident to say that because I’m pertaining to my friends. Hahaha!

But what I realized that time was it is once in a life time to find a girl who has all the qualities you want in a girl, and when she comes, no matter how short her stay is, you’ll love her forever and will change you literally. For better of worse, who knows?

And yes, I agree with that.

Someone came, loved me, and then left me. I was so stupid to let her go and I can’t stop blaming myself for not being a worthy partner for her. She did change my COA in my life. (Coarse of Action)

Now, I know I’m bitter and would trust a dog than a girl. Yes it is I. But still, someone is always proving me wrong and for that I could say that I might grow in love with her.

I could have my average grade 1.25 but by doing that what could I attain if there’s no someone to dedicate that victory? I could be the greatest psychologist ever existed in the field but what the hell do I have? Just myself. I think someone’s right. Love moves the world and it does make the world a better place.

Lapitin Daw Ako Sabi nina Doctora at Ma'am.

What a luck, yesterday I was brought to the infirmary coz I almost fainted after completing the 1000-meter run. Ok, I’m really not that fit and I’m not used to running like that. As if someone whom you banged yesterday is chasing you and asking you to marry her.

My vision went all white after completing the run and then I just noticed that I’m not feeling so well. What I did next is I approached my instructress to ask for any instruction, she said that I should keep my head lower than my heart. So I did. After a minute or so I’m ok again. But when I walked across the quadrangle, the sickening sensation came back. My eyes went white once again and this time, I’m much more disoriented than earlier.

So two big men came to me and brought me to the clinic. The nurse there let me rest for a few minutes after checking my status. Of course, my instructress was there for me while waiting for the doctor and then she said bye coz she needs to attend our class.

Ok rest rest and rest after some tests.

After 30 minutes or so lying awake there, my ALL FEMALE friends came.

Theresa, Nouie, Jonna, Dianne, April, Belle, Maryrose and Tin came ang wrecked havoc in the clinic asking for my condition.

After that, they left. They still have to attend our class, as for me, as you can see I’m wasted so I’m excused.

Then the nurse came to and said.

“Pagkarami rami mo naman palang girls! Iba ka hijo!”

Then she left and was replaced by the Dra. de Leon saying.

“Ang dami mong girls ah? Maya maya lang ok ka na!”

Well I guess their visit helped me a lot. Thanks to them I’m quite ok now. Well, not really but knowing that they’re concerned about me is already enough for me to stand and to run 2000 meters if anyone ask me to. Well I guess after finishing that run I’ll find myself in the morgue?

Thanks girls. Mahal na mahal ko kayo!

Oh! I forgot! My professor in Filipino saw me at the faculty room with my mom and revealed to my mother dear that almost every girl in our class are looking at me while she was discussing. She’s my favorite professor yet she sees me us the number 1 lapitin of our school. Well I guess I am what I am, someone has to be. ^__^

No More Bring Me Game For Me.

First day of School: The Ultimate Humiliation.

This is just great. You know what, after seven hours of grueling orientation and stuffs, I ended up with a nice bang for my fellow transferees and to those freshies.

Ok after all of us were transferred to the main campus building, this happy jolly MC started a game for some serious ice breaking. Of course, all of us there were tired and all, take note of the temperature today and its now getting late. We’ve been there for seven hours already so we need something to brighten up things a bit.

So this is what happened.

Bring me game.

His first item?

BPI ATM card.

I heard that so I run to the stage while pulling the card from my wallet and I handed it to the other MC the moment I arrived at the stage.

MC: Great! Here’s the winner! See guys? Lactacyd is really cool that even guys want one.

Then I go.

“What the fuck?”

“Lactacyd?”

“As in feminine wash”

Then this beautiful girl handed me this gift pack from Lactacyd with a genuine smile on her face and she even took a picture of us. With me holding the gift pack, given by…I forgot the professor’s name.

So there, in front of the whole beginners in our new school witnessed my worst nightmare. I assume that 600 plus students witnessed that.

I went down again, my fellow students from the colleges of Arts and Sciences ignored me as I make my way back to them. I don’t know if its about the feminine wash or is it just that one of them humiliated the department without asking what is the price for that stupid bring me game.

Lesson for the day: Don’t participate in any game if you don’t know what the price is or better yet, participate only if there’s no price at all.

Tekken's Most Deceptive Strategy=Perfect

Coz another entry might prove that I'm completely sane, then I'll post another stupid topic about something really stupid that I noticed just recently.

Ok, questions firsts.

1. Are you familiar with the fighting game series called Dead or Alive?

If yes, continue reading.
If no, you may proceed if you really want to read something stupid.

2. Are you familiar with its features? Like BOUNCING BREASTS of the female characters and a hell lot of costumes for the three main female characters?

3. Are you familiar with the Tekken series? Especially the recent game installment?

4. Are you familiar with Christie Monteiro, Asuka, Julia, Xiaoyu, Nina and Anna Williams?

Ok let's start.

If you're familiar with the DoA game then you probably know their trademark features. Yes, the bouncing of breast that always distracts me whenever I play the game and fight my way against any opponents. Yes, I'm such a big looser in that particular game. The reason? Their special features. The bouncing breasts. It always leaves me defeated and with a nose flooded with blood.

You could imagine me like this:

Sitting in a cross sitting position, eyes wide in awe and focused at the monitor, holding the controller, nose bleeds and a bulge in my crotch. <- Miscellaneous.

Ok, just recently, I was playing Tekken 5 Dark Resurrection at Time Zone Metro East and then I just noticed that my opponents character's boobs were jiggling/slightly bouncing. [Nina Williams] I thought it was just my imagination. Skeptical to what I noticed I attacked again my not so good juggle combo with my ever trusty Jin Kazama. The boobs jiggled! I'm not dreaming! It's true! I finished the battle with a wide grin drawn all over my face, talking to myself like a mentally retarded kid.

Maybe just Nina? Or everyone with a quite revealing outfit? To my amusement, the defeated warrior challenged me again. This time, he used Christie against my Jin. Perfect! Just what I needed! We fought. He emerged victorious. Thanks for his unmanly, cheese, not to mention the lowest art reckless button mashing tricks which I found very annoying [Very unpredictable, no pattern at all! Unmanly of course.] and the jiggling boobs of Christie, it is one hell of a distraction.

Then I observed, everyone of the female characters of the Tekken game have their boobs jiggled slightly and you won't notice it unless you have keen eyes. [translation: pervertedly keen eyes]

Nice jiggling breasts, stop it coz its annoying and distracting. I hope that the next Tekken [6] would not feature the jiggling breasts anymore. Very very dangerous to combat, I must say.


Tekken= Juggle
DoA= Jiggle

Is the word Juggle synonymous to the word Jiggle?

Courtships

I've been reading some historical stuffs lately and I just realized something about our tardation...I mean Tradition. Then just a few hours after I woke up, I decided to walk around the village and to my amusement, I came across two dogs making love. Just then I wondered if the dogs has this courtship stuffs like other animals such us penguins, rabbits and roaches. Then came this questions inside my head whose courtship ever graced the cultural diversity across the planet is the worst. I recounted that 2 or 3 years ago I've read some Soc-Anthro book that has a topic about Filipino courtship [Of course, courtship is always one of the most interesting topic to me] but to my dismay, they're nowhere to be found. I think those were the ones I gave away or the ones I burned when I'm in a blind rage several months ago. Don't ask, you know why.

But I'll discuss courtship based on what I've learned.

[Roughly based on my memory so please bear with me and I can't remember who are the authors of those books I've read before so if happens that you're familiar with them please do tell me. I should thank them for giving me some knowledge about our traditional courtship.]

Courtship during the early times took great patience, hard work and dedication on the part of the man to win the hand of his dearly beloved lady. The custom back then requires that the guys must serve the family of the girl for months…even years *shivers* and some of those customs survived until this very day to the rural areas specially somewhere south.

Darn it, our generation is quite lucky to have our own style of courtship. As usual, he must chop woods, fetch water (if he gets lucky he make silip silip while the girl is taking a bath.) and do the chores required to him. I love the fetching of water chore.

The two were forbidden to talk to each other and only their eyes meet occasionally to exchange mute messages of love [Translation: of course mischief!] Imagine that? And to add some nice desperation, there’s no chance for the two to meet secretly. Why? Of course! The girl was keenly guarded by her parents/her grandparents who where always on the watch for any sign of mischief on the part of the suitor or their girl. *grin*

Reminds me of that line “Your daughter is a freak!” oh ho, I hate the old times big time!

And after the parents were satisfied in enslaving the poor guy and after they’ve decided that the suitor would make a good husband and son-in-law [Translation: Slave], they’d finally give conditions.

See, you girls must’ve been loving it back then ne? That today you, all of you girls out there developed this egotistical ideas, characters and etc that you often accuse the boys for being so you know when the truth is, that is you, all of you is the real culprit for being such an supercilious being. Enjoying every second of your suitor’s misery for loving you.

Am I really that scornful towards women? Ha ha! Can’t blame me, one from your kind wrecked my heart. Big Time. and I mean BIG TIME.

Enough of my rants here and let’s continue.

Where were we? Oh there, conditions.

Let’s start with the words “dowry,” “pamamanhikan,” and of course my personal favorite, “bride price.” Ha ha! What the hell is that? Selling your daughter? Ha ha!

Fuck the Filipino’s old traditions! Fuck it! (I’ve successfully inserted my subliminal message.)

I think conditions revolved around the dowry. What the hell dowry is? Well sort of a gift turned over by the groom to the bride’s parents and most books says “ for all sensible purposes in exchange for the bride.

And if my memory serves me right, in European country, the dowry refers to their tradition where the bride’s parents will give a considerable present to the would be husband. But as we all know it and as Bob pointed out, BALIKTAD MAGBASA NG LIBRO ANG MGA PINOY. [Bob, I pray to you.]

When the guy decided to marry the girl, he will consult his parents and the elders of his family. If the girl’s family is acceptable to them, they’ll start negotiating in a ceremony we call now as “pamamanhikan” and trust me, I have no idea what the hell is that and what are the issues the elders discuss in today’s “pamamanhikan.”

Back then, the old timers of both parties will talk-slash-argue-slash-kill-each-other-slash-discuss the terms of a dowry [If they don’t like each other, I think and this scene is very usual today.] with great diplomacy. [Back then, thousands of years ago.]

You call the dowry as a usual marriage settlement that consist of the would be husband and wife’s necessities.

Ok this is the fun part, laugh until you die if you want for I will enumerate several kinds of dowry.

Bigay Kaya-Land, gold etc.

Pang-himuyat-Amount of money given to the bride-to-be’s mother as payment for her efforts in guiding the girl to womanhood.

Bigay-Suso- The name already told you about it. ^_^ No, you won’t give your titties but the milk from your own to the girl’s wet-nurse.

Himaraw-reinbursement to the girl’s parents for the amount spent for the girl

Sambon-and I think a bribe to be given to the girl’s relatives.

And I got this image inside my head that back then, when a guy wants to marry a girl, the girl’s parents will take the girl on stage and conducts an auction for their girl. It seems like when the girl is going to be married, her parents and her family sells her.

But today, youths like us enjoy greater freedom especially in choosing our own mate. Today, most…SOME of our parents agree to it because they think that it is their child who will live the rest of his/her life with their mates and in case the marriage does not succeed, they cannot blame their parents. Smart choices eh? That’s why we call them “Magulang.” Yet they keep a keen eye to the person whom we associate to/with *whatever* and as much as possible they’ll try to influence our decision. See? That’s another proof why we call them “Magulang.”

About our freedom for mate selection also think that most abused that freedom and got banged earlier than they should. You’ll see some of my former classmates now with their child.

Special Thanks to:

Bob Ong for inspiring me to write something.
(May special plugging ka pa ng book mo ha, kahit hindi ko pa nababasa 'yon. Ok na sa akin ang isang kopya ng apat mong libro pwera lang stainless. Thanks.)

To all Soc-Anthro book author! Sorry I can't remember what/which books I've read and who are the authors but still, thank you. You all know who you are.

Popularity in Writing

"Popularity in Writing"

That's the idea bouncing back and forth inside my head. I acquired that idea from where? Of course, Ragnaboards Fan Fic section. Until this very second, the words still resounds inside my head.

For my own idea, I write because it is the only way I can express myself clearly...somehow. I want to share my ideas through writing, I want to share my life experiences through writing and of course I want to share my pains through writing. For once, I've experienced popularity and its not that good as many people sees it and popularity is not the reason why I write.

Popularity comes hand in hand with your own doom.

I'll write until I die but I'll avoid popularity.

Because there are people around who can't stand seeing you high above them and will do anything to pull you down to their level. (lalo na 'yong mga nasa Tard City)

[there are people also who knows nothing about the issues yet wants to grill you because they believe that they were the victims (of your writings)]

and to those people who know nothing but to meddle with other peoples affair, those people who keeps on pulling someone down though they don't know the whole truth, two words for you. "God Bless"


[And yes, I'm talking about you, wag mo nang itanong kung sino ka.]


Fan Fare ROCKS~!

Tard City SUCKS~!